Thursday 24 April 2014

Saying yes to some help

Our little baby girl is approaching four weeks old now. My husband's paternity leave came and went. My parents' visit  also came to an end after Easter. This week I have had my first taste of dealing with the three children on my own, without family around to help out.

My eldest has returned to school after the Easter holidays and on day one of doing the school run, I had a few of my mummy friends kindly offering to help out, whether it was having my two year old over for a few hours so I could rest at home when baby slept or offers to collect my son from school.

It feels like it goes against my natural instinct but I decided to say yes to some of these offers of help. So my daughter went to a friend's house to play with two of her little friends while the big ones were at school one morning this week and I took my friend's advice and lay down when baby slept. It was good for my daughter, as she had not played with any of her peers for a while. She got to do some painting, playing and had lunch there. I felt better for getting to lie down and just generally having a break from keeping my adorable but energetic two year old amused.

I have also had a couple of friends pick up my son from school, again very helpful as my youngest tends to be sleeping around that time and so I don't have to wake her and get both girls ready to rush out for the school run.

On the one hand, I feel a bit selfish accepting these favours. I have a new baby not a life-threatening disease! Surely I can get on with it and manage as best I can with my 5-year old, 2-year old and newborn. Then I try to put myself in the position of the person offering the help and if it was me, I would not make the offer if I did not mean it and was not happy to help. That makes me feel better about accepting it :-). I still feel in debt to the person and like I need to do something to make it up to them but hopefully one day I can return the favour in some way.

It affirms what lovely friends I am lucky enough to have and reminds me that being there for our friends is the greatest gift we can give. I'm not much use to anyone right now, but hopefully I have (and will have) my moments of being a good friend and helping out someone who could use a little break in whatever form that is.

Do you find it difficult saying yes to kind offers from people? Have you had similar experiences of friends helping you out when you needed it?
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photo credit

6 comments:

  1. I'd say you're very much use to your family, my dear. No negative self talk, please, this is a very demanding time for you and you're wise to accept the help when it is offered. And do not be afraid to ASK for help too. Very important as an overwhelmed mother is not ideal, really. :) A few friends helped when I had my accident years ago and it felt wonderful. People like to give and it is good to let them. Don't worry, life has a way of balancing itself out. The time will come when you will be the one offering. Much love to you and your little ones. ♥

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    1. Thanks for the kind comment Maryse. You're right about asking for help too - also not easy to do but important, as you have pointed out. Lovely to hear about the help you received after your accident. I'm sure what you've said about life balancing itself out is very true. Good to remember!

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  2. I know exactly how you feel, I felt exactly the same way upon the arrival of our second baby. I did not take any help offered at first because I somehow felt that meant I wasnt able to cope. I really wish I had as we ended up in a right pickle with, breastfeeding, ilness and a hospital stay right over Christmas. We did come home to lovely food parcels and offers of child care for our eldest which was lovely. It can be difficult to accept help but like you say that wouldn't offer if they didnt want to and we can repay the favour some time. :)

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    1. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment about your experience :-). It does feel like a weakness to accept help but as I guess you saw, it really isn't at all - it's exactly what we need to turn to and accept willingly for our own wellbeing. I'm glad to hear you received some nice food parcels - those are the best!

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  3. This is a great post! I have a hard time accepting offers of help for the same reasons as you. Even with family in town, I do not to ask for much because I do not want them to feel obligated to watch my kids. I recently scheduled all my annual check ups with the dentist, dermatologist, etc.. and felt bad asking my mom to babysit my 2 year old for each of these. I usually put these things off because of it. I love your observation on how you feel when you offer to help. It's so true that when I offer that to someone else, I would never be put out if they accepted so why do I think that might happen when they offer. I think I will more easily accept offers from now on. I still will have a hard a time asking though :)

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    1. Thanks Tiffany! It's interesting to read your pespective of getting help from family and yet still sharing my same sentiments. I know what you mean though, we worry about our loved ones feeling taken for granted but they are usually very happy and glad of the opportunity to help :-)

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Thank you for reading. I'd love to have your comments and thoughts!