Skip the sippy cup

I have been doing a bit of cleaning out recently (delayed spring cleaning?!). One thing I was pleased to get rid of was the clutter of old baby bottles and beakers/sippy cups at the back of a cupboard. A couple of the cups had never even been used and the couple that had, were only ever used as a regular cup, not with their lids.

With all three of my children, I introduced the Bickiepegs Doidy Cup as soon as I introduced water with weaning/meals. I would begin by holding the cup for them (holding underneath so if and when they wanted to take the handles themselves, they could) and then let them hold it as soon as they wanted to. You can't put a lot of water in it anyway, because of the shape so any spillages were not a big deal.

I don't know about you but finding a cup/beaker that is non-spill for carrying out and about is not as easy as it sounds! I rarely bother taking drinks out with us. I either get a glass of tap water from a cafe or buy a bottle of water that all the children would share. With supervision, my 1-year old drinks from a regular unscrewed water bottle with no problems. When I remember, I will fill up and take out one of our stainless steel water bottles that the children share.

Starting off early with the Bickiepegs Doidy Cup meant that we could then move onto regular cups at home and my youngest handles a regular cup by herself, just needing help setting it back down on the table sometimes.

My advice to those of you with babies: save your money and cupboard space and skip the sippy cup! It also makes life a lot easier when you don't have to think about bringing a certain cup out with you, knowing your child can drink from a regular cup in a restaurant. If your child is the type to make a strong attachment to certain objects, you don't need to worry about them getting upset because you forgot/lost their beloved sippy cup!

What is your experience? Did you move your child onto regular cups quite early on or did you rely on a sippy cup for a while? Did you find a non-spill cup that you and baby both liked?
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Cooking for baby and family

Three years ago I wrote a post about cooking for baby and the rest of the family, with six suggestions of family meals that can be mashed or finally chopped to suit a baby of around 9 months upwards. It is great when they get to the stage of being able to eat a wider variety of foods, can handle a bit of texture and you can cook for the entire family without having to prepare something different for the baby.

My youngest is one now so we have been at this stage for a little while and I was looking back over my old post recently and decided I had another six suggestions to give! 

Soup: anything goes with soup but you can add beans, pasta or grains to make it more substantial. You could also crumble in some cracker/rice cakes/bread into the baby's bowl.

Tacos: these have become a new favourite in the Mummy Zen household. We get the crispy corn taco shells and fill them usually with some kind of black or pinto bean mixture often with a bit of covert veg, finely diced or mashed avocado, sour cream and grated cheese. Baby gets the filling and you could break up bits of taco or give them some softer bread or rice with it.

Shepherds/cottage pie: as a vegetarian, my version of these is with lentil or aduki beans but whatever your main ingredient, the rest is finely chopped veg and mashed potato, so nice and easy for baby to eat or you can even mash it all up further if needed.

Jacket potatoes: popular with many children, simply scoop out the soft potato for baby and mix with your choose of toppings.

Savoury pancakes/fritters: potato pancakes, sweetcorn fritters, or grate carrot, courgette into a batter or anything else you fancy. Make smaller ones for baby to hold (or cut up larger ones), these are a great finger food.

You can see my previous six meal suggestions here.

What are some of your go-to meals to prepare for the family that can be easily adapted to baby?
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6 tips for a longer life!

I have been reading the book, A Short Guide to a Long Life by David B. Agus. The author is one of the world's leading cancer doctors and researchers, amongst other things. The book is a very easy read and compiled of short chapters, each one about a healthy habit he advises people to adopt, or something he thinks we should try to avoid.

As I have found it a really interesting read, I thought I would share a few of his suggestions of things we should all be doing, ones that I think are especially relevant to parents:

Have children: Obviously, not for everyone but the thought behind this one is that raising children keeps us active, both mentally and physically, which are both recommended for good health.

Grow a garden: Agus writes, "This should be a mandatory rule for anyone with children, especially young ones". He believes it is the best way of teaching children how food grows, what it looks like in all its stages and therefore encouraging healthy eating.

Speak strongly to the next generation: Whilst our children might not be very keen on listening to us tell them what is good for them and what is not, Agus believes it is a matter of finding the right words or images that can convey the message in a relevant way to them. He gives an example of showing his own children the Jamie Oliver video where he fills a school bus with the amount of sugar added into Los Angeles Unified School District's flavoured milk each week. It worked in keeping them off the chocolate milk!

Deal with sickness smartly: "Part of the art of dealing with sickness means sticking to our routines as much as possible". Agus advises against lying in bed all day with the curtains closed if we want a quick recovery because if our body is not moving around, the lymph system which helps fight infections will not be in action. This made me smile, as a busy mother to three young children, I never have the chance to lie in bed all day if I am ill and generally, I get over things pretty quickly. My husband on the other hand definitely follows the lying in bed in the dark route and doesn't get over things as quickly I would say...!

Practise good hygiene: Something we can pass along to our children is the importance of hand washing throughout the day. It will help you avoid germs that could make you ill, as well as prevent spreading germs to others.

Have a glass of wine with dinner: There is plenty of talk of wine o'clock amongst the parenting community so this point might interest you! One drink a day for a woman (two for a man) is considered a sensible amount to reap the benefits, particularly of red wine, in reducing your chances of heart disease. Binge drinking at the weekends is not however permitted!

Do you do all or some of the above already?

If you are interested in reading what else helps you lead a long and healthy life, as well as what is to be avoided, do get a copy of the book, A Short Guide to a Long Life. It is very readable and full of lots of fascinating facts too.
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Easy edible things to grow with children

First, an update on our tomato seeds. It didn't take too long for green shoots to appear and then earlier this week my three year old came rushing over to me excitedly telling me to come and look at something in the kitchen. I couldn't make out what she was talking about and followed her, intrigued. She wanted to show me how big our green shoots were now! You can see what they look like currently from the photo. I removed the plastic bags we had covered them with about a week ago and so far we are off to a good start!

It was lovely seeing my daughter's excitement and that is one of the things I love about planting things with children. It is fun for them to plant and nurture something and watch it grow into something as a result. When you are growing something edible, they will without a doubt be keen to tuck in, even if it a vegetable they may previously not have been keen on. We grew runner beans last summer and the children loved them, having previously not been overly keen on them.

Even if you do not have much of a garden or none at all, there are lots of resources online for finding things to grow on a windowsill, small patio or whatever so don't be put off by a lack of space! 

I am not sure if tomatoes are not considered an 'easy' thing to grow, as they require quite a lot of specific care (consistent watering but not over-watering, regularly feeding, ideally pinching out the middle leaves once they get growing considerably, plenty of sun etc). Having said that, if I can grow them, you can too! I am not exactly green-fingered, but enjoy having a go!

Having spoken to friends and relatives who are keen gardeners, along with my own (limited experience) I have listed below a few easy edible things to grow that are well suited for trying out with children:

Herbs: ideal for those without a garden,  as you can grow them in small pots on a windowsill. Enjoy using them to make your own pesto (doesn't have to be basil!).

Rocket: we tried this great idea from Daisies and Pie last summer and grew rocket in our used Illy coffee tins. It worked a treat!

Runner beans: you can grow them in a pot, just get a bamboo cane to wind the stems around and secure the growing plant to keep it vertical. The more you pick, the more you get!

Courgettes/zucchini: I've been told these are easy to grow and tend a produce a lot, so get ready with a variety of courgette recipes to use them in! If you leave them, they will turn into marrows.

Cucumbers: we bought some seeds to try growing some this year and bought a small variety that is ideal for pots or grow-bags. You can also buy indoor growing varieties so have a look and see what suits your circumstances best.

Potatoes: we grew some last year in a half empty bag of compost, simply by planting actual potatoes deep down and topping up with compost as the shoots kept emerging and you could equally grow them in a pot. Whilst we didn't get a huge yield, we had enough for dinner for six and they were delicious!

There is a lovely little section on gardening with children in the Leon: Fast Vegetarian cookbook. A couple of their suggestions are really good, such as encouraging your children to 'graze on the plot' to help solidify the connection between growing and eating, and understanding where food comes from. They also advise letting your children have their own patch of soil or collection of pots that they can call their own, I love that idea!

If you have grown any fruit or vegetables in your garden with your children, it would be great to hear about it and any additions to my list above are most welcome.

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Disclosure: We were sent a crate containing tomato seeds and the items described here, if we blog our progress Heinz will send us a hamper full of Heinz goodies as a reward.

16 Sugar-free snacks

This Lent I have given up sugar again. I like to think I can have sweet treats in moderation but if I am honest, I struggle with the 'moderation' part! I therefore think it is quite good for me to spend periods of time avoiding it completely, maybe making my consumption a bit more moderate overall.

Sugar is in almost everything and you really need to check ingredient labels diligently. This is a useful list of other names sugar goes by so you can look out for it in all its forms! Even things you imagine would not contain sugar, like wholemeal bread, can have it in so beware. Thankfully, in the UK at least, there are brands that avoid it entirely.

If you would like to cut down on the amount of sugar you consume, even if not giving it up entirely, I have come up with the following list of 16 sugar-free snacks:

1. Oatcakes (plain or with topping)
2. Rice/corn/quinoa cakes (plain or with topping)
3. Wholegrain breadsticks
4. Cheese scone *
5. Nuts
6. Seeds
7. Small portion of fruit
8. Piece of cheese (nice with fruit)
9. Natural yoghurt (add some seeds/nuts/fresh fruit if desired)
10. A boiled egg
11. Carrot/cucumber/celery/pepper sticks
12. Hummous with veg or breadsticks
13. Half a pitta bread with filling *
14. Slice of wholemeal bread/toast with topping
15. Hummous/lentil chips (a slightly healthier crisp and really tasty)
16. Popcorn (make your own and eat plain or add a little salt or nutritional yeast)

*wholegrain / made with wholemeal flour

As a side note, nut butters tend to become your new best friend when going sugar-free. I recently started stirring a spoonful of almond butter into my porridge and it is delicious! My children love it too. Your favourite nut butter also makes the perfect topping for any of the things mentioned above. Again, check the ingredients and try to buy the pure nut butter, made only from the nut, with no added salt or sugar.

Do you have any other suggestions of sugar-free snacks to add to my list?
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Round two of the threenager!

Back when my son was age three and demonstrating some pretty challenging behaviour, I wrote this post, 'The Trying Threes'. Now I am going through it all over again with my daughter. Reading back over my earlier post, I am at least reassured that this is normal and just another stage we have to get through. It is a good reminder to me about doing my best to stay calm when faced with defiance from my daughter and feeling utter despair at times.

Last week I read this article, '10 Signs you are living with a threenager'. It is both funny and true! I can tell the author is talking about her daughter, as there are some things on her list that are the case with our daughter too but that never occurred with our son. Number 1 (about how to cut her sandwiches) and 3 (wardrobe changes, although just regular clothes, not princess costumes in our case) definitely apply to our daughter. Neither of these things were ever an issue with our son.

So, round two and having been there before I am going to try to take a deep breath and tell myself I can do this! I keep trying to identify what it is that is different on the days when my daughter is behaving beautifully but I think it is just the usual stuff: she needs sleep, food and attention, like they all do. Unfortunately there are always going to be days when she doesn't get enough of one of those and I will know about it!

In the meantime, I will endeavour to follow my own advice (see, 'The Trying Threes'), remembering she is only three, trying to lead by example, focusing on something positive from the day and remembering she does love me really!

Are any of you also currently living with a 'threenager'? What are some of the challenges they throw at you and how do you deal with them?
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Taking the pressure out of new year's resolutions

Whether you like it or not, new year tends to mean plenty of mention of new year's resolutions. We had some friends over on new year's day who told us they each had made resolutions for the year. His was to be more spontaneous and hers to be less stressed. Of course, I didn't say anything to them but those kinds of vague, immeasurable aims are the hardest to keep!

My husband and I are not very serious about new year's resolutions but we do usually have a chat about some goals for the year in a bid to start off the new year with a bit of direction. We had a conversation this new year's eve about a couple of things we each hoped to achieve but rather than the pressure of keeping up with something for a whole year, we acknowledged that there were a couple of things we would try to do for just one month.

There is plenty of evidence out there that a month is the amount of time to make something a habit and that if you can do a month of something, you are more likely to be able to continue doing that thing longer term if you so wish. A month is a lot more manageable than a whole year and by focusing on a month initially, you are already making your goal more in your reach. Once you get to the end of the month, you will have the sense of success of having achieved your aim. Knowing you can do it for a month incentivises you to try continuing it for another month. If on the other hand, you do not wish to keep the action up, no pressure, you can leave it to the side with the knowledge you did it for a whole month and knowing you could do the same again at a later date if you feel you want to.

If you have not made any new year's resolutions but are still thinking about it, it's never too late! Starting on the first of January is not for everyone and you can start whenever feels like a good time for you. Maybe being back to the school routine is a better time to kick start a change in your daily life or maybe you want to wait until closer to spring.

In considering your possible resolutions for the year ahead, think about some of the different aspects of your life:
 

Physical - exercise is an obvious and common one but be specific about what kind of exercise, how long and how frequent, and be realistic! Walking more instead of always taking the car, taking the stairs instead of the lift at work are other simple changes you could choose to make.

Emotional - could be something to connect more or better with a member of your family, a weekly call to a friend, helping out a neighbour, writing a regular letter/email to someone you care about.

Spiritual - anything from going to church more, reading a spiritual text, to taking 5-10 mins a day to meditate.

Integrity - volunteer work, helping someone in need, giving some of your time to a local school/church/organisation

Intellectual - read x number of books during the year, read 5-10 mins of news each day, learn a new skill by attending a class or doing an online course

Parenting - is there something you can do differently/better with your children? You and your partner could take it in turns to do 1-1 outings/activities with the children or as a family you could introduce more regular family time in the form of short excursions/games nights or whatever

Work/career - update or add to an existing skill you have, connect with new people in your field, send out your CV to x number of recruiters/targeted companies....

Keep your resolutions simple, manageable and specific. As an example, I decided on a whim to do five minutes of Spanish every day. I had downloaded an app (Duolingo) where you can learn languages for free and can set yourself daily targets. As a busy mother to three, I do not have much spare time but five timed minutes is definitely doable. I do my five minutes, it is very quick, it is simple and yet I feel like I have accomplished something. I might not be fluent by the end of the year, but that is not my resolution!

It can definitely feel overwhelming to commit to something for a whole year. Take off the pressure by keeping goals small and measurable and initially aiming for one month. See where the month takes you and go from there!

Have you made any resolutions this year or are you still thinking about it?
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Party planning for toddlers

I have done a few birthday parties over recent years, for my son who is approaching age six and my daughter who just had her third birthday. If there is one thing I have learnt, it is that less is more!

For an enjoyable and successful birthday party for little ones, you often need less of everything than you would imagine; less food, less party guests and less activities.

Food - I learnt early on that it is easy to over-cater for birthday parties. Even though I have vastly reduced what I used to prepare, there is still always more than needed! Little ones really do not eat a lot and coupled with the excitement and the promise of cake, they are often too distracted to eat much at a party. Keep it simple too, prepare what you know your child and friends are likely to eat, rather than what looks fancy!

Party guests - for my daughter's third birthday party a couple of weeks ago, we invited just three other little girls. It was her choice. I suggested another couple of people but she said no, she really only wanted these particular three girls, so that is who we invited. I once read or heard somewhere that is is sensible to invite the same number of guests as the child's age. That is what unintentionally happened this time and it was very pleasant! The fewer guests there are, the less stress for the parents, the more time the guests spend with the birthday boy or girl and the more attention they receive.

Activities - whilst you definitely want to plan a few activities for the party, you also don't want to try to cram too much into the time. It can be good to allow some going with the flow too! For my daughter's recent party, we had a couple of small art and craft activities for the children to do on arrival (and something they could later take home with them), which is good for filling the time as you wait for people to get there. Then we played some traditional party games (pass the parcel, musical bumps etc), had lunch and the cake and then finished with a final party game and dance around! It was simple but worked really well.

I will leave you with some other children's birthday party posts you may be interested in reading:
A great party bag alternative
Children's birthday cakes
A winning winter birthday party for a 2-year old

What have you learnt from birthday parties you have had for your young children? What has worked and what hasn't? Any top tips to share?
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Toilet training with child number 2!

As soon as the summer holidays began, one of our priorities was to begin toilet training our two and a half-year old daughter. We had been talking about it a lot with her, went out shopping to choose and buy a child's toilet seat and underwear and had read over and over the book, Princess Polly's Potty.

Our daughter was enthusiastic about the challenge, it helps that she always wants to do what her older brother does, including practical things like this. I decided to get started on a Friday - what was I thinking with three children including a young baby to tend to, alongside toilet training all by myself?! It was a rough start and I felt very disconcerted and began questioning whether she was in fact ready to move out of nappies.

Lamenting of the difficulties I was facing, somebody said to me when they were training their child, although they felt  he was ready, he still needed to have lots of accidents as part of his own learning process. Having successfully gone through the toilet training, I can say with hindsight that her statement is probably true of many children.

The initial accidents really are what helps the child associate (a) with (b) and recognise what they need to do. After the first day, the accidents got fewer and by Monday when we had plans for a day out with friends, my daughter did brilliantly, going when she needed and keeping underwear dry!

My eldest being a boy, I was a bit nervous about being out in public toilets or indeed out in a park or wherever with my daughter. It is so easy for a boy to go out in the open, nicely concealed behind a tree! A friend with two daughters recommended I got a Potette Plus. It's a very compact, easily portable potty or toilet trainer seat and we have used ours lots already, definitely a good purchase.

As for how we went about the toilet training, we followed the same principle as we had done last time with our son. Lots of drinks during the first couple of days, lots of reminding the child to tell you when they need the toilet (rather than asking them if they need it) and lots of positivity! One thing I did differently was to abandon the sticker chart I did last time for my son. I read somewhere recently where a mother felt that the child should just be happy to be able to use the toilet and that in itself should be the reward, not bribing them through stickers, sweet treats, toys or whatever. I thought that was a good point and had kept it at the back of my mind. I did give my daughter stickers for the first few days but didn't make a big deal out of the stickers themselves and soon stopped them.

It has been nearly four weeks since we swapped nappies for knickers and our daughter is doing well. Very occasionally she will be too wrapped up in what she is doing to remember to tell me in time but fortunately I can usually tell when she does need to go, which helps.

Have you gone through the toilet training stage recently with any of your children? Those of you with boys and girls, I would be interested to hear if you had a better or worse experience with one or the other. What is your approach to toilet training and any advice or tips to share?
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Happier at Home

'Happier at Home' refers to the book by Gretchen Rubin. I think I had it on my Amazon wishlist from when it first came out in 2012 and then earlier this year my sister-in-law kindly lent me her copy and I finally read it last month! I enjoyed it and there were a couple of points in it that have stuck with me that I thought I would share with you.

First however, a quick summary of what the book is about. In a similar vein to her previous book, The Happiness Project, Rubin decides to take a school year of making monthly resolutions, focusing on improving her home life. That may sound a bit dull but 'home' in this book is everything from possessions to parenthood, marriage and time. The content is very relatable for most of us and the suggestions all very practical.

As I began the first chapter on possessions where Rubin tackles her clutter with the aim of removing "meaningless stuff" and going shelf by shelf, drawer by drawer, I found myself finally getting stuck into a couple of wardrobes where I knew there were clothes I no longer had any use for and kept meaning to take to the charity shop! I felt good for getting rid of them and thought I might continue with my own de-cluttering but as yet, it is still to be continued....

My favourite chapter was probably the one on parenthood. I am always interested to hear about other people's parenting styles, their challenges and ways of handling their children. One of Rubin's resolutions here was to 'underreact to a problem'. I think that is a great thing to try to do! I know I am often guilty of over-reacting to something that occurs with my own children and isn't it so much easier to overreact than underreact? I find it very difficult but if a particular situation arises with my children, I am trying to tell myself to underreact. It is definitely a work in progress but one I continue to think about and try to implement sometimes.

In the chapter on marriage, Rubin addresses her fear of driving by taking some lessons but also identifying that some of her fear came from unfamiliarity - of the symbols on the dashboard, putting petrol in the car, that kind of thing. I could really relate to what Rubin was experiencing here. We recently got a car and I felt quite nervous at the thought of driving it after not driving since before having children (and it has probably been 12-15 years!). I went out one evening and when I got in the car to come home, I realised I needed to switch on the car lights and didn't even know where they were and had to call my husband! As a result, I'm going to read the manual, just as Rubin forced herself to do! It is a good example of how fear can simply come from the unknown.

So, if you are looking for something to read this summer that might also inspire you to think about aspects of your day-to-day life, I would recommend Happier at Home. It is an easy read, interesting and thought-provoking.

Have any of you read the book or heard about it? What is on your summer reading list?

5 summer photography tips

As the summer holidays approach, and for some of you they have already begun, chances are you'll be wanting to take a fair few photos of your children enjoying themselves. Whether it's playing in the back garden or in your local park or if you're away somewhere on a family holiday, it's always nice to capture some fun, happy times with your camera.

I am fortunate to be able to share with you some advice on getting the most out of your summer photography from someone who knows more about photography than I do! Ian Savage, Head of Training at British photographic retailer, Jessops gives his five top tips for taking the perfect photo:

1. Child’s play
Kids rarely stay still long enough for you to take their picture, but instead of resorting to bribery to get them to sit down for a photo, start photographing them on the go. Either choose your camera’s sports mode or select shutter-priority and continuous AF. In both cases, your camera’s autofocus will keep your subject in focus, even when that’s a toddler wobbling around a playground on a bike with stabilisers. It really is child’s play to get a good shot!

2. Get together
Whether you’re enjoying a barbecue in the back garden or a walk in the park, it’s a great opportunity to get some photos of everyone together. And with just a bit of planning, you can get some lovely photo memories. Before you gather your group, scout out a good spot and think about your composition. All in one long line is boring, so consider arranging them in two lines; ask some to sit, or have the kids kneeling in front; or how about running towards you? Lines, by the way, don’t have to be horizontal; think vertically, too, and have fun!

3. Beautiful portraits
Taking portraits outdoors means you can work with lots of lovely daylight, and at this time of year you’ll be spoilt for choice when it comes to stunning natural backdrops. When you position your subject, make sure they won’t be squinting or pulling a face because the sun is in their eyes. Face them away from the sun – side lighting works well – and ask them to stand in a shaded area for a more flattering, less harsh light. Then all you need to do is turn the exposure mode dial to aperture-priority, focus on the eyes and take the shot!

4. Action shots
Feeling a bit more adventurous with your photography? Then try panning. This clever technique gives your photos a sense of movement. Pick the point you want to take the photo and face it, but then turn to the direction the subject will be coming from. Half press the shutter button, and without moving your feet, turn smoothly to follow the subject, fully press the shutter button at your chosen point to take the photo and continue to follow the subject out of shot.

5. Childproof!
Many cameras are waterproof, sand-proof, dust-proof and even drop-proof these days – so if you want to take great shots without worrying about the kids’ grubby hands, or damaging your new piece of kit, consider a camera that’s up to the challenge.

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I really like the first tip about photographing children on the move and am definitely going to play around with our camera settings to see what I can achieve. Which is your favourite tip or do you have one of your own to add?

You might also like my post from a few years ago with 7 tips for taking, organising and sharing family photos.

Pregnancy, pillows & sleeping

In this post, I am going to share what helped me get a fair amount of good nights' sleep whilst I was pregnant this third time round. The point comes sooner than you would think in a pregnancy when getting a good night's sleep becomes a challenge. You're supposed to lie on your side, you're getting bigger and heavier, hips start aching, you might be up for several bathroom trips during the night.... There are those that say, it's nature's way of starting to prepare you for the disturbed nights to come but if there is a way to sleep better, I am all for it! Especially moving on to baby number three, I really have no need for preparation for the nights of broken sleep I have got coming. Au contraire!!

I had been complaining about rough nights of sleep to a friend and she kindly dug out her old pregnancy sleeping pillow to lend me. She told me what a miracle it was to her during her pregnancies, how she would take it with her any time they were spending a night elsewhere because it was the only thing that helped her sleep well. I was excited to try it out and experience the blissful night's sleep she had prepared me for.

I'll be honest, the first night I wasn't quite sure which parts of the pillow should go where and just guessed. It didn't seem right though and although I had a decent night's sleep, I felt sure it could be better.  The next day, I searched online for this pillow and how to use it and that night, I tried again, with it in the correct position. I had a terrible night's sleep! I think I gave it one last shot another night but again, it didn't make for a good night's sleep so I returned it to my friend and went back to my own system of a pillow between my knees.

Shortly after that episode, I had started doing some ante-natal pilates. When doing some exercises lying on my side, my instructor would put a cushion in place to support my belly. It really made a difference to the way my weight was positioned on my side so I decided to try the same when sleeping at night.

In addition to my pillow between my knees, I added a small pillow under my bump. It really improved my comfort during the night and I began to sleep better and was waking up with less aches in my hips. So there's my simple tip for better sleeping whilst pregnant - two pillows!

What was your experience of sleeping whilst pregnant? Did you struggle to get comfortable? Did you use any special pregnancy pillow or find any other way to deal with any discomfort?
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Calmer communication & cooperation

In my post at the beginning of this year, New year, new parenting goal, I mentioned I was starting to read the book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. I have now finished reading it (pretty good going for my slow reading pace these days!) and wanted to share a few bits of the advice I found particularly helpful.

I will start by saying, it is a very useful book for any parent to read. It has simple little exercises throughout so that you are forced to look at your own situation and parenting methods and reflect on how you might change them (if they need changing). The exercises are helpful because you get a real idea of how the advice can relate to you specifically. There are also lots of examples of different situations other parents have struggled with, case studies if you like, that illustrate how the suggested methods can bring about positive results in 'real life'.

At the same time, it is a lot to take in and is the kind of book you can refer back to, rather than aiming to remember and practise every single point it presents. It does give real perspective to the challenges that come with parenting and reminds us that the easy option does not always lead to the best outcome. Parenting, and parenting well, is hard work after all. Like anything else we want to invest ourselves in, it takes time and effort.

It is hard to select just a few points raised in the book but if these I have listed below sound of interest, I recommend you pick up a copy of the book!

Good listening. We might think we listen to our children but many of us are probably also guilty of firing questions (How was your day? Who did you play with? What did you do?...). If we focus more on listening with our full attention, the child is more likely to open up in their own way.

Problem-solving with your child. This is one thing I tested out with my 5-year old and to good effect. I had been getting annoyed with toothpaste smeared on or next to the bathroom sink each day after he brushed his teeth in the mornings. Following the advice in the book, I sat down one day with my son and talked through his possible difficulties, my feelings about seeing the mess and with paper in hand, asked for his suggestions on how we could remedy the situation. He came up with two ideas, which I wrote down. He then wanted to draw a picture of the toothpaste on the paper and we stuck it up above the sink for a few days. Immediately, the mess stopped! After a few days, I praised him for his continued good efforts and suggested we didn't need the note on view any more. He chose to stick it inside a cupboard door where he could still see it if he wanted to (rather than discarding it) but the clean sink remained!

Describe what you see when giving praise. The book suggests that meaningful praise gives the child an awareness of their own merits. So rather than relying on broad compliments like, 'It's great/fantastic/amazing....', describing what you see then helps the child recognise their strengths. For example, to a child who has got dressed by themselves for the first time, you could say something like, 'You put every bit of clothing on in exactly the right place and didn't even need to ask for help - I'm so impressed!', instead of saying, 'You did a great job!'.

The hardest section of the book for me, in terms of relating it to my own self and my own children was the chapter on 'Freeing children from playing roles'. It talks about how parents can be prone to labelling their children, 'She's bossy / he's stubborn / she's a trouble-maker / he's a picky eater etc....' and that by doing so, reinforces that behaviour/trait in the child. It gives various ways to free your child from those 'roles', which all seem very doable and make sense. My struggle was in identifying any labels that may have been applied to my own children - is that because I have done a good job of not labelling them? (obviously what I'd like to think!!) or is it (more likely) because I am oblivious to the labelling I have inadvertently applied? For now, that remains something for me to think about further....

Do you have any thoughts on what I have mentioned above?  Have you discovered your own techniques for calmer communication and cooperation with your children? Have you read the book yourself and if so, what did you think?

Brightening up a grey day

This morning was another wet day and I got pretty soaked doing the school run, despite being dressed in waterproof jacket and wellies. I felt thoroughly fed up but quickly told myself that attitude wasn't going to help me get through the day. One of my kind readers left a comment on a recent post about taking time to focus on something beautiful/positive during the dark and challenging days and it's stuck with me. I decided that was what I would try to do today.

Also in the back of my head was an article a friend had shared yesterday, A counterintuitive idea for worn out parents to feel reinvigorated. I decided to do something a bit different and fun with my daughter as we were stuck inside at home. We made the rainy day picture (above) and she had great fun sticking on the various bits and pieces, enjoying the different textures and especially liking the rice and lentils, which we used as our rain drops. Following on from that, we got coloured pens out and she did some 'drawing' on the big paper we keep on our easel. I usually insist she sticks to crayons or coloured pencils for fear the pen ends up on the wall but I moved the easel into the kitchen, away from any walls and let her loose!

Before I knew it, the morning had flown by and it was time to make lunch. My daughter had enjoyed the activities and I felt like I had given her some quality time and we had both been happily engaged in what we were doing. I did keep checking on the weather to see if we could get out for a walk but the heavy rain continued. We have had some fun walks in the rain lately, with lots of puddle splashing but today it's just been too heavy. I've had an idea for making a paper plate umbrella that we might do after picking up my son from school later this afternoon, keeping with the rainy day theme!

I'm making a hearty, healthy soup for dinner and jacket/baked potatoes, so nice warming, comfort food! This is one of the tips I included in a post for Beating the January Blues - have a read for more ideas to lift your spirits if you too have been feeling a bit gloomy as a result of the miserable weather.

It definitely takes more effort to keep the momentum going on a dull day but once we make that little extra effort, we usually end up being thankful for it and enjoy the day more than we imagined we would.

What do you like to do on a dreary day when you feel like you've lost some of your usual motivation?

Play date dinners: lessons learned

A while ago I asked, What do you cook for other people's children? as we had moved onto after-school, staying for dinner play dates. We've done quite a few now and they quickly progressed to the child coming without the parent (I pick both up from school and the parent collects after dinner). It has been interesting and I have definitely learnt a few lessons that I thought I would share.

One mother's words have stuck with me and sum it all up really, "don't go to any trouble". I had suggested a meal for when her son was coming over, she thought it sounded lovely but knew her son wouldn't eat it. She told me to go for whatever was easy for me, something like pasta or fish fingers. Her advice kicks off my lessons learned:

• Don't go to any trouble. I have to remind myself, it's not the same as cooking for an adult who is coming over for dinner!
• Biscuits, ice-cream/ice lollies are dessert winners. I've had homemade chocolate cake in the house, brownies or other baked yummy things that have been turned down by 5-year olds, who would rather have an ice-lolly/ice-cream (even in the middle of winter) or biscuits, the more chocolatey the better!
• Always have a back-up meal to hand. Despite checking with a boy's mother who told me her son loved sausage and mash, he refused to eat mine. I wasn't especially prepared for having an 'option b' so quickly made him a sandwich with some carrot and cucumber sticks on the side (I knew he had had a cooked lunch at school so felt less bad about making a sandwich).
• Check with the parents before buying ingredients / planning for a particular meal. Things I have assumed all children will eat are not liked by some so it's definitely worth asking the parent first. Even then, don't be surprised if they still don't eat it!
• Expect food waste. It's rare that a visiting child eats every scrap on their plate. I am so used to my two polishing off everything most of the time, in fact, they sometimes finish off what the friend has left on their plate too!
• Playing is higher priority than eating. Different toys to play with or a game that needs to be finished before they get picked up are strong distractions for the child who is over on the play date. Food just gets in the way and delays things - this partly explains the aforementioned food waste too.
• Lower your expectations on all counts! I'm learning to do this now and it makes the experience less of a big deal for me. Initially, I was quite disappointed to have food rejected by a child, a little put-out by them rushing my own children to finish their meals before they'd 'finished' and generally not showing much in terms of table manners but now I realise that's just the way it goes. Again, I remind myself, it's not like having an adult over to dinner.
• The dinner is the least important aspect of the play date. As long as the child eats something, the main purpose of the play date is the coming over to play and that's what really matters, that they have fun! Dinner is kind of incidental....

Do you agree with my lessons learned? Do you have any other nuggets of advice to share along the same lines? Any particularly bad/funny play date dinner stories to share?
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This week: slipping smoothly back into the routine

This was my son's first week back to school after the Christmas holidays and after some time off for the whole family, there's always going to be a bit of adjustment as we all settle back into the daily routine. I knew my son would find this week a little tiring. It always seems to take about a week for him to get used to the schooldays and pacing himself to get through the day. I didn't want his tiredness and the grumpiness that can emerge as a result to affect everyone else's mood so have made a concerted effort to make the week go as smoothly as possible.

To be specific, I focused on the following few things to make the week better for us all:

• kept my own mood upbeat and positive, even if I was met with a grumpy face or moany request
• gave plenty of hugs and kisses
• remembered  to incorporate some positive reinforcement to reward his good behaviour
• provided a nice variety of packed lunches (I had got a bit slack on this towards the end of last term!)
• prepared as much as I could the night before for the packed lunches to keep my own mornings less of a mad rush (something else I had been neglecting at the end of last term!)
• brought him fairly substantial and fun snacks to eat after school on the way home
• cooked healthy evening meals but sticking to things I knew the children would enjoy eating and therefore reducing the number of potential 'battles'
• prepared evening meals while my son was at school and my daughter napping so I could spend more quality time with them both after school and again, to help my own sanity!
• ensured bedtimes were on time to keep my son well rested
• kept the rest of the week pretty low key for us all

I know what you're thinking, I should do all of this every week!! You're right! It all helped us have a smooth transition back to the daily routine. My son was happy being back at school, he was eating well and we didn't have any difficult behaviour. It was a good week!

How was your first week back to the routine after the holidays? Is there anything you made an effort to do to keep things ticking over nicely or was it naturally an easy switch?
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A post-Christmas clear-out

After the long exciting build up to Christmas, it takes a mere couple of hours before the living room is a sea of opened presents and with young children, there are often lots of new toys needing a home. I'm honestly not neurotic about tidiness or anything but I do like some sense of order and like to try to avoid as much clutter as possible.

This year, on Boxing Day, I set to and launched into a significant reorganisation of the children's toys. I packed away some toys they haven't been playing with recently / have grown out of, I emptied the deep toy box which had become an unknown abyss of small toys and instead packed it with games and bags of blocks. I sorted through the toy box in their bedroom and when nobody was looking threw away all the plastic rubbish they've kept from party bags or magazine freebies that are half-broken anyway.

At the end of it, I had plenty of space for the new toys, everything was better ordered and easier to find and I felt much better for it! I showed both children what I'd done and where I had moved things so they could find what they needed and we had two boxes of toys to put up in the loft.  In the past, I was always good about rotating the toys so we didn't have everything out all the time. Of late, I have got lazy about it though and it was something I was meaning to address.

Following on from the clear-out and reorganisation of the children's toys, came the clear-out for my husband and I. We sorted through our amassing paperwork and recycled, filed or otherwise dealt with all those papers we had been ignoring over recent weeks. Another good job done!

I'm not done yet but doing a bit at a time is my method. One small project a day is a big achievement! I've got children's clothes that they have grown out of to pack away to make more space in their wardrobes and my husband and I probably have some clothing we could take to the charity shop that we won't or don't wear any more.

It feels good to finish the year off with a sort-out ready to embark on the new year with a sense of tidiness and space, without feeling overcrowded by clutter or daunted by impending organisational tasks to tackle.

Do you also tend to have a post-Christmas clear-out? Is it a natural response to dealing with all the new 'stuff' you have, to want to sort through the old and see if there is anything you can get rid of, pack away or pass on? If you haven't done it yet, do you have some clearing out projects in mind that you are planning on doing in the new year?
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Related reading:
Get Kids' Clutter Under Control
Breathe some new life into old toys
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6 natural ways to soothe a sore throat

Last week I was suffering with a sore throat that I had caught from my daughter. A tickly cough kept me awake at night and it felt like it would never go. As it is that time of year when coughs and colds are rife, and now that I am better, I thought I would post 6 natural ways to soothe a sore throat, things to try if you get struck down by one!

1. Fluids. In general, it is good to drink plenty for a sore throat. The liquid keeps your throat moist and hot drinks can help soothe inflamation. Frequent sips of water are always recommended.
2. Sage tea. This is actually a really nice tea, as well as being effective. You can add a little honey if you like. Simply put a pinch of dry sage in your teapot, add boiling water and leave to steep for 5 mins. It should be noted that pregnant women are advised to avoid sage tea.
3. Salt water. If you can bear it, gargling with salt water several times during the day can ease  discomfort.
4. Honey and lemon. Always a nice soothing drink and if you believe in the benefits of Manuka honey, use that with the lemon. The lemon helps with eliminating mucus.
5. Garlic and honey. We keep a jar of this in our fridge. Add a whole head of garlic, finely crushed to a jar of honey and combine well. Spread some on a slice of toast and it is not too unappetising! Garlic contains something called allicin, which helps kill bacteria to fight infections.
6. Ginger. You could make ginger tea or add some to your honey and lemon drink to benefit from the medicinal qualities of ginger. As with sage, not always advised if you are pregnant.

Do you use any of the above when you get a sore throat? Any other natural remedies you swear by?
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This week: planning packed lunches

For the first two weeks of school my son has been there just for the mornings. This week, they stay a bit longer, having lunch there and the following week he will begin full days. We have the option of packed lunches or school dinners. I asked my son which he would prefer and he said he would like to have packed lunches. I was secretly pleased, as I feel that way I will at least know what he is eating and can ensure he has healthy, tasty lunches. The school dinners in fairness look pretty good and varied. My main issue is the puddings...I would never give him such rich, sweet desserts on a daily basis!

Back to the packed lunches! I've been giving them some thought. There are some great blogs and websites out there devoted to the packed lunch and ideas aplenty. My son loves his sandwiches but I want to try to give some variety and I am sure some things will go down better than others. The school specifies we are not to give any sweets, crisps, cake and there is a no-nut policy. My plan for now is to mix and match from the following basic ideas:

Main item
Sandwich
Savoury muffins, flapjacks
Thick tortilla-like omelette/frittata
Quiche
Savoury pancakes / fritters (sweetcorn/potato/courgette)
Pasta/rice/quinoa salad
Mini pie (need to think of options that taste good cold, such as cheese and potato)

Savoury extras
Cheese
Houmous
Crackers/breadsticks
Carrot/cucumber sticks/pepper/sugar snap peas/cherry tomatoes etc
Cheese scone

Dessert / pudding
Fruit
Yoghurt
Homemade cereal/granola bar
Fruit scone
Dropped scones / mini pancakes (plain/blueberry/banana etc)

The above is by no means an exhaustive list but some ideas I have to get started. I have bought some small cool/ice packs and will pop one in my son's lunchbox. This was a suggestion from some other mums who said that the classrooms are kept so warm (during the winter especially) that it's a good idea to have one for keeping cheese/yoghurt etc fresher. I intend on preparing the lunches the night before as much as possible to cut down on added stress in the mornings and to give me plenty of time for getting it ready.

Do you make packed lunches for your children or have you in the past? Any tips you can share or additional ideas of lunchbox favourites?
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Siblings and happy playtime

One of the bigger challenges of having two children I've found, is keeping them both happily engaged in an activity together. The younger one always wants to do what the older sibling is doing, which can result in frustration all round. We are currently at a nice stage where the two children can play together more or alongside each other, without one terrorising the other! There's nearly a three year age gap between them and my youngest is nearly two. I've been noticing lately how many things they can both enjoy now.

I thought I would share a list of activities my two both like getting stuck into. If you have a closer age gap, it might not be so helpful but it may give some ideas of things to try with your own children:

Physical activities

• Chasing games
• Ball games - simple throwing, rolling or kicking a ball back and forth
• Hide and seek - the youngest can't really play of course but has great fun running around looking for her brother. She and I team up and hide together too.
• Jumping on the trampoline (we're lucky to have been passed down one that we have in our garden. Even though my youngest can't jump yet, she loves being bounced around and falling down)

Messy play
If you can bear a bit of mess and confine it to an area, this is probably the biggest hit for them both. Some ideas include:

• Water
• Sand
• Jelly
• Lentils/dry beans
• Shaving foam
• Painting (finger painting or with brushes/rollers/potato printing)  
• Sticking stuff onto to paper/cardboard with glue

Creative activities (with less mess)

• Drawing/scribbling with crayons/pencils or on an etch-a-sketch
• Stickers 
• Stamps
• Play dough 

Other

• Lego (my daughter used to destruct my son's Lego creations but is now happy sorting through the box of Lego pieces or playing with figures/doors/windows while he builds)
• Building towers - with boxes, blocks, stacking cups. Both ages love to build a tower and then knock it down!
• Gardening. Allocate them a patch of garden to dig around in or a pot of soil that's just for them. Let them help with watering the plants and if you have any rocks/gravel, they'll have fun scooping it up. The older sibling can help plant seeds, pick homegrown produce and such like.
• Books. The older sibling will likely enjoy hearing stories you read to the younger one, or will want to take turns lifting the flaps etc so it can be a nice relaxing activity to enjoy with both children. Maybe the older child can even read a book to the younger sibling.
• Walks/parks/playgrounds. Letting them both run around, climb, explore, splash in puddles, pick up sticks is always fun!
• Music. We have quite a few intruments at home for the children (maracas, tambourine, harmonicas, an accordian, flutes and more!) and they both love playing them and generally making lots of noise! If you don't have instruments. putting on a children's CD and/or having a sing-song is another option.

What do your children play well at together or alongside one another? Any other ideas to add to my list above? Have you struggled at different stages in finding activities to suit both ages of your children?
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